Anyway, a few moments after sorting these new thoughts out in my head, I picked up Tim Harford's new book 'Adapt" and it talked about a common human failing - the ability to deny losses and then make things worse by chasing after them instead of making peace with them. Apparently he's met me. Alternatively, I'm not alone - yeah!
According to Tim - " Acknowledging the loss and recalculating one's strategy would be the right thing to do, but this is too painful. Instead, the player makes crazy bets to rectify what he unconsciously believes is a temporary situation." (Hello me!) Also, quite a lot later he says " While denial is the process of refusing to acknowledge a mistake, and loss chasing is the process of causing more damage while trying to hastily erase that mistake, hedonic editing is a subtler process of convincing ourselves that the mistake doesn't matter ... that everything worked out for the best." Smart man, Tim.
I have always had a tendency towards putting on weight in response to stress. It doesn't matter so much how much I actually eat, stress puts on pounds - and pounds. In times of crisis, grit and sheer stubbornness helped, but when the peak reality of life changing crisis points turned into a low of a life I didn't want, the very resistance to that life caused me to put on weight. Eventually of course the chasing of losses in the belief that they are temporary meant piling up of the weight virtually unchecked (I'm not really fat - this is temporary!) and a brand new source of stress and resistance. Opening my eyes to my life is painful but keeping them tightly closed is not helping at all. in fact its stealing away bits of precious time and giving me more of disliked life to stress about. So time to take a deep breath, take a long hard look at me and figure out a way to accept me. Self indulgent blog on the web - who am I?